NAME: Nomatter Ndebele
JOB STATUS: Unemployed
DURATION: 408 Hours
MENTAL STATE: See below
1. I can’t remember the last time I wore actual clothes that were not leggings or pyjamas
2. I should have studied Law, wait Moshe studied Law and he’s also unemployed. Never mind.
3. I think people think my name is a joke on my CV, maybe that’s why nobody is calling me back?
4. Why is this phone so quiet? Not a single text today. Oh yeah, people have Jobs.
5. Jacob Zuma said they had created “Job opportunities”, what is that?
6. “Must have own vehicle”, How am I supposed to pay for a car if I haven’t got a job?
7. Why is this happening to me? I am good person.
8. I wonder if the people at my old Job miss me?
9. Omg. Why is everybody dying in this book? It’s obviously a sign, that I’m going to die too.
10. “Must speak fluent Afrikaans” Vok.
11. This looks great! I can totally do this *Scrolls down: 344 people have applied for this job* I can’t even.
12. I should start looking for a husband, I wonder if Mac will marry me?
13. *Phone rings* Oh Yay! It’s a Job. No, it’s a man from MTN. I’m on Vodacom.
14. I should’ve gone to gym. Now I’m going to be fat AND unemployed. Lovely.
15. “10 years experience in managerial position” *Clicks to apply*
16. 4 hours till Skeem Sam, Yay!
17. Facebook. Nothing to see here.
18. Instagram. I’ve seen all of these, why are people not instagramming???
19. I’m starting an unemployment support group…
20. My mom keeps asking me why nobody is calling me back. Like, are you even serious right now?
21. Selfie o’clock!
22. 15 visits. If you are visiting my blog, why aren’t you hiring me?
23. Another motivation letter? I can’t. I actually just can’t.
24. Oh! Copywriting Job. “Must have SEO knowledge,” What is that?
25. “If you haven’t heard from us within two weeks…” BYE.
26. Let me go spend money I don’t have! Sushi! Om nom.
27. Ergh! Is it still day time?
28. Doctor wants to know why my blood pressure is so high: UHM MY BRAIDS ARE COMING OUT AND I DON’T HAVE A JOB!!!
29. Surely my selfie stick should be here by now. Is the Post office on strike?
30. Twitter. White privilege again.
31. At least I have bath salts.
32. DANCE PARTY with Tswizzle. But actually just me. Shaking it off! Shake it off, shake it ooofffff!!!
33. Maybe my phone is broken; No one has called me today. Not even Mogo.
34. Somebody will hire me eventually, right?
35. Vodacom just doubled my airtime, at least God sees me.
36. NP: Twista Ft Faith Evans, Hopeful.
37. Does Drake have an unemployment song? Apart from that one about living in a basement. Don’t really identify with that.
38. LinkedIn. “ So and so is celebrating two years at their Job” *Logs out*
39. I’m just going to take a nap, because that’s what unemployed people do. We wake up and take naps.
40. Maybe I should just start tweeting pictures of my qualifications and tagging CEO’S ?