It aint easy giving up your heart…

I wrote this for my friend two years ago after her break up.I never knew that this very same piece would end up being for me too. 2 years and 6 months later, it still isnt easy giving up your heart!

“Didn’t I give it all? Tried my best, gave you everything I had no less, didn’t I do it right? Did I let you down”
-Adele;Take it all.

I have spent the past week helping a friend of mine pick up the pieces of her world that was left crushed by her ex Boyfriend, who literally woke up one morning after four years, said he was unhappy and left. Really? It took you four years to realize that you weren’t happy?
Needless to say this week has been a whirlwind of tears, emptiness,and more questions than answers.

I don’t understand, How does something so beautiful, turn so ugly? How do those moments of ecstasy,become the most painful memories,  how does someone who was your all, mean nothing to you within the blink of an eye? And yes we’ve all heard that  generic “panado advice”, he doesn’t deserve you, it just wasn’t meant to be, you’ll find someone else, but the truth is just like panado, nothing makes it better, nothing that anyone can say can fill the emptiness, being surrounded by people wont stop the tears from falling, and not even the darkest nights can stop the picture perfect memories playing over and over in your mind like a film without sound.

I have always been the most wary of love of all my friends, giving advice like “If it has a penis, stay away from it” and, “no matter How much a boy flirts with you, or seems to like you, before he goes to sleep at night he thinks about the girl he really wants to be with and your probably not that girl” Even so, with all this advice, very good advice at that, I have found myself scared by the fires of unrequited love and tangled in the confusion of uncertainty, it seems there is no escaping this crazy thing called love, cause when you fall, you fall hard, and it turns out that everything that should’ve been was never going to be, but in the enchantment of the new found love, we missed all the warning signs, and marched into the mirage of the sunset, and suddenly out of nowhere, the clock strikes 12, the magic spell beings to fade, the sun sets all too quickly revealing a cold, lonely night and we realize that we’ve fallen from grace.

The thing with Love is that, when its good its so good, but when it goes bad its really Bad. In a moment  its all over, the love is gone, and so are you. I believe that when you let people into your life, they can never leave without taking a piece of you and you of them, thus in every experience you will never be the same again. You’ll think twice before you call him, you’ll look for reassurance before you hold his hand, you’ll doubt everything you are, that he is and everything that you could have, in an attempt to arrest time before it goes all too fast and you lose it all.

So I ask, is it really worth it? If love hurts so much in the end, if you’ll have to find someone else one day, is it really worth it? 90% of the world will say yes, they’ll say “Its better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all”. I don’t know, maybe i’m just a bitter girl, who cannot see beyond my scars, but I’d rather not love, than to lose it all. I wish I had never met him, I wish things didn’t go as far as they did, because then, things would have been okay, we would still steal looks across the crowded lecture halls, and I’d die every time he smiled at me, but instead I crossed that line, and now I cant go back, and I cant go where he’s going, coz well, I’m just not part of his journey anymore and yes, there have been some enchanting moments, but I think they would have been even sweeter, with the knowledge that  I wouldn’t have to hold onto them to get through the night, they would’ve been less potent had I known that I would be forced to give them up, so I can get through the day…
As hard as it all seems right now, in the back of my mind I know that it wont always be this Bad, one of these days my friend and I will look back and think “Seriously, we were so cut up over this”, we’ll laugh at ourselves and wonder where they are, and what their doing, we will look out in the distance trying to find that film without sound, they’ll be nothing there, but maybe if were lucky, we just might catch the credits…

But until then, since we cant all make millions from our broken hearts like Adele, when the people whom we love disappoint us, we will resort to loving celebrities!

“You’d know how the time flies, only yesterday was the time of our lives…who would have known  how bittersweet this would taste”
-Adele; someone like you.

Ps. Its the 7th today!

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One thought on “It aint easy giving up your heart…

  1. Who would have really thought that 2 years later… The moment when you look back and laugh never came though

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