Can the world give me a chance??
I’m turning 21 On Sunday. All I want is a princess tiara and a cake with my face on it. Is that really too much to ask?
The past two weeks have been agony, on the real though. I know I thrive on drama, but right now, I am NOT dealing. I’ve gone from having the most amazing birthday party planned, A shothane themed 21st, surrounded by the people I love, all downing shots of ultra mel, and saying lovely things about me. In the very next minute though, I’ve called it all off. No skhothane’s, No ultra mel. Just me, my Tiara, and my cake with my face on it. This has been my life for the past two weeks, an emotional whirlwind of: Yes.No.There’s too many people. I don’t want to do anything and fuck this, I’m over it.
I change my mind, at least 50 times in 5 minutes, and with each “decision”- I’m sure, I’m totally convinced and nobody can change my mind.
My Mom and I, have spent hours debating about the necessity of a cake with my face on it, of course, she thinks it’s a ridiculous idea. But I am not phased, all the other black Kids get cakes with their images on them, when their growing up. Why can’t I have that? I’m black (Most of the time) and I’m growing up! I suppose it might be a little awkward to have to cut up my face and feed it to people. Even so, anybody who knows me knows that I am probably one of the most vain people to walk this planet (I even have a battery powered mirror- Just in case the lights go out and I can’t see myself in a normal mirror) and it would make me most happy, to have a cake with my face on it. It could be worse, I could totally print pictures of myself, frame them and hand them out as invitations. But No, I am a thoughtful little girl, and I will not put my friends through this. So the least the world can do is “Become relax” and let me have this cake- Besides, it’s MY birthday, I can have whatever cake I want too, and chances are, we may not even eat this cake. I have feeling it will be so wonderful, that it would pain me to have to cut it up, so, why is the world crying in my face?? You aren’t even going to eat my face.
As of last night, all festivities were cancelled, for two reasons: 1. I am venue less and 2. I don’t have a tiara, and I can tell you now. If I do not have a tiara there will be NO PARTY! Not just any Tiara, I want a proper one, one that could possibly pass off as 1st princess tiara in a Miss World contest. I know you’re reading this, thinking… seriously?? Yes. Seriously, and you can just calm down, at least I’m not asking for a sash too!
Honestly though, I really don’t know what’s going on. In this very moment (4:23pm, Aug 20th) I don’t know if I’m having birthday party or not. I don’t know where, I don’t know how. This morning my friend said to me, if you’re not happy matte, Change what you can, and leave the rest to luck, since you have been graced with that in your life. So that’s my plan, tonight I will have my cup of tea, watch generations and maybe, just maybe I will have a moment of clarity, everything will work out, and if I decide on the 31st of Aug, at 12 midnight that I want to have a party in the next 12 hours, I hope the luck thing will work out, and that all my friends will drop their plans and come to my party.
Although I am very adamant in my wantingnesss(This is a word now, I just decided) of a Tiara and a cake with my face on it. All I really want is a happy birthday. To be surrounded by my friends, laughing and taking stupid pictures, for a change, I’d like a birthday that won’t end in tears (Somebody better find me a tiara) a broken heart or crazy sex scandals.
I know I’m difficult to keep up with, and I have ridiculous requests, but for heaven sake, it’s almost my birthday! Its not alot to keep up with really, its just a yes or a no. Right now, I think its a yes, but come 7pm it might be a no… or a yes.
Like I said, I can’t tell you exactly what the plan is, but I hope that when I finally do figure things out, I have a tiara and a cake with my face on it.