I am so SCANDALISED!!!
And I have not been this scandalised since I failed my autobiographical assignment in first year.
Ed and Edd are married. Two members of the Vatos Locos gang that followed me home and terrorised me for months, because I referred to them as infamous in an assembly, are married.
No. Not to each other, but to two living breathing female human beings.
Now before everyone thinks that I am just bitter and being jealous, may I remind you, that my domestication skills are sitting at 4/10 and even though I spend hours watching wedding shows on BBC,I have no inclination of getting married, I strongly believe that marriage is a catastrophe of sorts. Right. Having cleared that up, back to the Mob Marriages.
I am beyond scandalised, bordering on mortified. I am even more scandalised at the fact that:
Everybody else knew this, expect me.
That nobody is as scandalised as I am. When I rang up my friend, she was so calm about the whole thing, as If I had just told her that today is Sunday.
Uhm, world. Are u understanding this situation? Do you realise what has happened??
Ed and Edd are married! Like, rings, wedding dress and Facebook photo’s married.
HOW??? Do they even know how to be married??
No, Really. Is this what people do? Turn 21, pop bottles and get married.
I can deal with a lot of things, Baby mamma’s, baby Daddy’s… Speaking of which! Ed already has a SON! The lone photograph of his son on Facebook, is of a cute little boy… pulling a Zap Sign. (While many of you may raise your eyebrows at this, I am not surprised, considering the fact that ED was the thuggiest thug type person I know) So yes. I can deal with a lot of things, but this? No. I am failing to understand, what cosmic mishap allowed this to be possible.
I cannot even convince myself that it is love, because if it is, love has to be the most ridiculous concept I have ever come across. It is devoid of all sense and produces nothing but toddlers pulling zap signs, to this world. Which should be right up there on the list of serious issues alongside, pimples, drought and famine in Somalia.
Wow. I have no words (Other than the 385, so far).
Ed and Edd Married… I suppose though, in-between all this mortification. Congratulations are in Order. After 5 years of trouble making in High school, and about 5 months of terrorising me-It has all culminated to this. Marriage. So, well done Ed and Edd, I don’t know how you did it (I have some ideas actually, that involve a bag, a boot and high speed get away. Hmmm, I wonder why?? 0_O) but it is done, so congratulations on being the first of our class to get married, I Hope you have a fruitful marriage, with lots of blessings! I mean this most sincerely, because although, we were never the best friends, marriage (No matter how catastrophic it is) tends to bring people together… or is that death?
After this, I will never be as scandalised about any marriage, even my own (God forbid). You could tell me that Jacob Zuma is marrying Julius Malema, and that will probably warrant a raise of the eyebrows.
I would also like to take this moment to apologise to anybody else I know that will get married. Unfortunately these marriages have shined on your shine, so yours will not warrant such a reaction, unless of course you happen to marry Ed or Edd or both! But let’s not get any ideas.
This fragile little drama queen heart of mine, can only handle so much drama. Scandals of this nature will be the death of me.
Nonetheless, as I am person who always looks on the bright side of life, and finds the good in any Fuck up life. These marriages have allowed me to come up with a new theory of life. This one, is a simple theory, and if you forget everything that these blogs have ever taught you. Please remember this theory.
The marriage theory: Marriages are a fuck up life, they produce Zap sign pulling infants and if you choose to ignore this, you will be sorry.
Having said this though, please do not hesitate to invite me to your weddings, I will be that gentle ever smiling reminder at the back of the church taking swigs out of a brown paper bag (No, I don’t have high hopes for myself),holding a little sign that says: Don’t do it.
I hope I haven’t put anybody off marriage, I’m sure it is a lovely happening of life.
Ps. Pseudonyms have been used for the purposes of this blog, in order to protect my Life. A married VL. Is still a VL. I’m not taking any chances.