Nothing in this world that upsets me more than Zits and social injustices. In that order.
I am currently hosting another FACE on my face… It has been here for the past two days, just parked on my face, with its hazards on for the entire world to see! I swear if zits could talk, this one would probably butt into every conversation shouting “Can u see me?? Or do I need to grow a little more?”
I don’t understand. I really don’t. Why is it always me?? I am a good person! I moisturize twice a day, every day! I share my Moisturizer with all the dry and crispy beings of the world! I always move for pregnant ladies in taxis, and I listen with interest every time someone decides to share their life story with me, I listen with a kind ear, and ooh and ahh at all the right moments! But the universe still insists on punishing me!
If I was the universe, I would be smart and strategic about my zit sentence’s. Imagine how much of a better place the world would be, if all rapists, murderers, thieves and general freaks were the only people that had zits! So if you were walking along, and you came across a person with a giant-hazard’s-flashing-everywhere type zit, you would know that you needed to run for your life, or call the police. Granted the world would be acne ridden one, and that might suck, but hey at least I won’t have Zits!
I have spent the past 48 hours, looking into every reflective surface, hoping for a miracle. I have spent every moment willing this zit to just leave my face! But no such luck. In fact this Zit is the rudest zit I have ever dealt with! It thinks it’s so slick and strategic! During the night, when nobody is around, it calms down! But come the crack of dawn- There it is! Standing tall as if too say, oh so we have to face the world? Don’t forget me!! *Insert evil laugh from zit here*
I have shared my pain with everyone and anyone who will listen! Everyone has been quite sympathetic, trying to comfort my soul, saying things like “I can’t even see it Matte” but I know they are lying for my sake… Except one fool who’s response was ” Its life”
“Its life???” Really?? If Zits are life it means the Beyoncé’s and Nicki Minaj’s of this world must be DEAD!!Really though, how can Zits be life?? I’d rather be dead!
Initially I thought, I was being punished. There must have been something I did, to have this fate bestowed upon me! Is it missing that shoot?? Missing an episode of generations? Missing my lecture? Not painting my nails for a week??
After Hours of deliberation and consideration, I have come to the conclusion that I have these Zits because… I AM AMAZING.
See, in “Life” you can’t have it all. There is No way you could have brains, looks and personality! But by some cosmic happening that even I cannot explain, I happen to have all three!
And this is where the problem lies.
When I was born right, the Gods of intelligence, beauty and personality blessed me with… Well, Intelligence, beauty and personality! All was well, until the universe realized that my three tier existence was becoming a serious threat to all the other beings of the world, so the God of all Gods commanded the universe to fix it, before the suicide ratings went up! So the logical thing to do, was to plant these unsightly social injustices on my face.
Coz u know Zits, just ruin everything! Observe:
she’s really smart, but she has another face on her face!
She’s really pretty, oh and she has another face on her face.
She’s such a nice girl, oh yeah, the one with a face on her face hey!!
But! I understand that this is for the greater good of the human Race, we cannot have the universe making people feel inferior, so because I am a selfless being and a Humanitarian, I will suffer in silence.
Although I really want to buy myself a Balaclava and never face the world, I won’t.
I will wear my zits with pride and hold my head up high knowing that, all humans must have a flaw, and mine happens to be unsightly zits…
Alright. Now that I am done lying to myself.
Here’s the truth: I actually hate my life, it’s not fair, why me?? I am going to buy a Balaclava, as I can never show my face in public, until this Zit disappears!
Now please excuse me, whilst I retreat back to my cave and wait for this zit to exorcise itself from my life!
Oh also, I wasn’t lying about Zits being a social injustice, according to zit experts in South Africa (Me) pimples are in the same rankings as famine and drought in Somalia.
With famine and drought in Somalia being the lesser evil.