Conversations with my 17 Year old self…

Facebook: Reminding us how fucked up we were since 2006.

7th April 2012. I am Facebook stalking… Myself. Again. (You know you do it too) I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, and then I came across my 100 Truths note. It’s safe to say- I am no longer the girl I was three years ago. Observe:

  1. last beverage: Coke
    2. last phone call: Nonnie!!
    3. last text message : Charmi..(dnt ask)
    4. last song you listened to :Broken Strings-nelly furtado
    5. last time you cried : last friday.HAVE YOU EVER:
    6. dropped your phone in the toilet :No!! I knw that phones and barthrooms dnt mix
    7. depended on someone : Yes
    8. dated someone twice :yes
    9. been cheated on :Probably,coz boys r foolish like that
    10. kissed someone & regretted it : Yes.it still eats at me
    11. lost someone special : yes.
    12. been depressed: Almost always
    13. been dumped :Eish, ya ne (Bt i didnt knw i was dating the person…)FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
    14. blue
    15. green
    16. Purple
    17. Black

    THIS year (2008-2009) HAVE YOU:
    18. Made new friends :Uh.. Yes!!
    19. Fallen out of love : Yes!! Its about bloody tome too
    20. Laughed until you cried: Yeah!! Happy times right there
    21. Met someone who changed you :No
    22. Found out who your true friends were :Yes
    23. Found out someone was talking about you : yes. N they didnt have the decency too whisper. I heard it all!!
    24. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list : Na
    25. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life : alla dem
    26. How many kids do you want to have :2 inflation and ressisions r rough!!
    27. Do you have any pets :no
    28. Do you want to change your name : no, bt id like too add too it ie: Nomatter No`elle Ndebele
    29. What did you do for your last birthday:Uhm, had Reahersals for my play dedication right there
    30. What time did you wake up today :8
    31. What were you doing at midnight last night :sleeping
    32. Name something you CANNOT wait for: For a certain someone too be Dead too me… 6 months. God give me strength
    33. Last time you saw your father :Probably wen i was a baby, cant remember… he isnt alive.
    34. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life:Nothing, else i wouldnt b wat and who i am right now…
    35. What are you listening to right now :the rugby match
    36. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom :Yes
    38. Most visited webpage : facebook
    39. Whats your real name: You have no idea how many times i answer this Question in one year. My name is : NOMATTER NDEBELE!!!
    40. Nicknames :Matt,nonxaqee, mattypie, nommie
    41. Zodiac sign :Virgo
    42. Elementary : Emmarentia Primary
    43. Middle School:We are South African not American..
    44. High school : Greenside High
    45. Hair color :Black
    46. Long or short: Long
    47. Height :I dnt knw… Im taller than SUE,bt shorter than Robyn…
    48. Do you have a crush on someone :Not ANYMORE!! hahaahaha IM FREE!!
    49: What do you like about yourself :That im the one person in this world that you cant not luv!!
    50. Piercings: Ears
    51. Skipped Class : yes
    52. Righty or lefty :Righty

    FIRSTS :
    53. First love: Eh too protect his identity we’ll call him L!!!
    54. First piercing :My ears
    55. First best friend: Portia.. oooh ooh ah ah sexy eyes!! that was our jam.
    56. First sport you joined :Netball
    57. First pet :Maybe a dog wen im 30
    58. First vacation :Zimbabawe!!
    59. First concert :Primary school, i was an extra,coz they wouldnt let me b a bikini girl
    60. First crush :Hahahaha uhm… think it was daniel (waste of my life)
    61. Eating : Eh… first eating? Hai, like most blak ppl.. Pap
    62. Drinking :Milk??
    63. I’m about to :Shout “the phone is ringing”
    64. Listening to : The rugby match!!
    65. Waiting for :Night time

    YOUR FUTURE :
    66. Want kids :yes.
    67. Want to get married :Yes
    68. Want to be:Someone ul never forget

    WHICH IS BETTER:
    69. Lips or eyes: Eyes
    70. Hugs or kisses :Kisses
    71. Shorter or taller : taller!
    72. Older or Younger : older
    73. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
    74. Nice stomach or nice arms : arms
    75. Sensitive or loud:Loud
    76. Hook-up or relationship :Hook ups
    77. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant

    HAVE YOU EVER :
    78. Kissed a strange: No. dnt want herpes
    79. Dined & Dashed : Na
    80. Lost glasses/contacts :Yes!!
    81. Broken someone’s heart : Ya
    82. Had your own heart broken : Yes,thats why i am the way i am towards male species
    84. Turned someone down : yeah
    85. Cried when someone died :Duh!!
    86. Liked a friend that is a girl? : no
    87. Colored your hair?: No
    88. Cut your own hair? No

    DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
    89. Yourself : Sometimes,twice on a sunday
    90. Miracles :Yes
    91. Love at first sight :No
    92. Heaven :Yes
    93. Santa Clause: No. i beleive in my marmy!!
    94. Kiss on the first date :If he’s worth it, probably never is tho.. coz boys r pathetic.
    95. Angels :Yes

    ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
    96. Is there one person you want to be with right now/ : Yes
    97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No
    98. Liked a friends boyfriend/girlfriend? :yes,bt i was with him first.. its complicated
    99. Ever cheated on anyone? : Yes
    100. Posting this as 100 Truths :No. i prefer, “For all my groupies,everything u wanna knw”

I CANNOT BELIEVE I WAS SUCH A FREAK! WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME I WAS SUCH A FREAK??

Looking at this list, a lot has changed. I am little more tolerant of the male species or rather one in particular. I no longer bash boys every chance I get, I am now content to fall back in the shadows  and watch the heartbreak unfold, without publicly declaring that all boys are the spawn of satan, and when shit hit’s the fan, I will not be the first person to say “Boys are pathetic”… maybe the second, but not the first.

More than anything this little list has shown me, that all the things I had sleepless nights about back then, have not affected me in any way! Yes. I got super Crunk at Zoolake, declared my Love for Ashley, caused a scene and lost any shred of dignity and self-respect that I had. I went to school the next Monday and everyone was talking about it! It was the worst two weeks of my life and I really did think my life was over, but here I am 4 years later, still alive and those once vivid memories, have started to fade, I don’t  see Ashley as often anymore, and my pitiful “Love “for him has died out. He was not the be all and end all… I wish somebody had told me this 4 years ago.

Nobody calls me Nonxaqee anymore, or Nommie for that matter. I have become Matte. (From NoMATTEr, not Matthew), occasionally Mattestickles and MaNdebele. I don’t think I ever really realised that high school was going to end, I knew Matric was it, but it never really occurred to me that I would have to make new friends, and let go of old ones. I only got the memo in the First week of Varsity. Overwhelmed, lonely and hating Wits with every fibre of my being, I had to let go of everything I knew, and start afresh. It very nearly killed me, anybody who met me during my 1st semester, could testify to this, at any given moment the question “how’s varsity “ almost always brought me to tears…

But look at me now! Three years later and Wits is my life! I have a standard chill spot, I have a crew, I know how to use that damn library and by the end of this semester I will hopefully now how to get my own lecture slides off webCT. So all’s well that ends well.

I remember going through my hippie phase, where I refused to worry about anything, when I was faced with any issues I simply said “ask yourself this, will it this matter in 5 years” and 99% of the time. It won’t!  So why stress about it!

Here’s a little advice to you all, from my 17 year old self:

“. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

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