Picture this, December 24th , there I am walking along, minding my own business (As usual), bouncing happily along the streets of green-side, which 90% of the time are Hobo free(I would know). But not that day.
As I was walking along, I noticed a hobo lying on the pavement, I thought nothing of this, I mean this is what hobo’s do right?, they zone around and park wherever they want to. I continued along my way, bouncing to Beyonce, as I walked passed this hobo man, he suddenly threw his blanket off, exposing his male appendage to my poor poor virgin eyes. Oh the Horror of all horrors. In my trauma, all I could think was, FML, of course! This shit only happens to me.
Even so. I realized a couple of days later, that this hobo man was sent by the universe in an attempt to enlighten me. You see ladies and gentleman, my experience with this hobo, is actually the essence of life. Every being on this planet that is part of the male species, is waiting for that perfect moment where they can expose their penis to unsuspecting girls. I mean this both literally and figuratively.
Here’s the thing, every man has the potential to be or IS the hobo man. They Zone around, shrouded by their blanket of mystery. They woe you, with their roses, sweet text messages,grand declarations of love and then one day, BAM They throw off their blanket and expose their naked truth and pull stunts, they will ignore your calls and texts, they will break up with you on face book and they will sleep with your friend on your birthday, because like Hobo’s that Zone around and park wherever, that is just what they do.
I suppose I sound like a really bitter person right now, and okay, maybe I am. But you all know, that I am telling the truth. How many times has a nice guy turned into a complete douchebag, better yet, how many times have you realized that those sweet sms’s were actually a “I think you beautiful”>>> SEND TO MANY! I’m not saying that all guys are like this though, if your happy with your significant other, please disregard this theory, but one of these good days, when you see the light, this blog will be right here (and I will not hesitate to say, I told you so). I am not always this cynical though, there are good days, when even I am taken by the Blankets of this world, and for days like this, the universe revealed the other truth to My best friend and I.
This theory is simple, it applies to anyone and everyone in this world. This ladies and gentleman is the “He’s in love with me theory” After thorough observation and research (wherein none of the male species were harmed) we theorized the following. If a boy is mean to you, says horrible things to you all the time, he’s in love with you. If he’s nice to you, and makes an effort toy be with you, he’s in love with you. If he avoids you, and doesn’t speak to you, he’s in love with, but is in denial. Therefore everybody on this earth is in love with you! Because your just THAT amazing!
To sum up the third part of my Pythagoras Love theorem there is the Motto that ALL woman should live by, and that is simply that “Nigga’s aint shit”. If you are crushed by the blanket theory, just remember that “Nigga’s aint shit” that way, you wont be crushed, and you will be able to walk away from it all. If you choose to follow the “He’s in love with me” theory, well, I don’t know, the motto doesn’t really work for this, but hey! Baby oil isn’t made from babies either…
So, as we enter the New year, be wary of the Naked truth, let the universe be your guide and if you see any suspicious characters with blankets milling around, RUN!
I would like to take this opportunity as well to thank that Hobo, that has scarred me for life, although the method to your lesson was harsh, I understand, and for this naked truth that you have enlightened me to, I am forever indebted!
Happy Years of the New:)