Lawnage Sunday!

A Hobo stole my chips?!

So here I am. My first proper attempt at a Blog! I don’t know how well this is going to work out, see I’m one of those people who are probably going to Burn in hell for forsaking their God-given talents. Basically I have this flair for writing, that doesn’t interest me very much, but sometimes, every know again I am tempted to actually write and the result of those temptations, generally turns out pretty well… or So I’ve been told. So Here’s my story, a couple of weeks ago on lawnagae Sunday. Lawnage Sunday being the forum where my best friends and I convene on the most beautiful lawn in the entire Suburb, every sunday at 5pm and debrief about the happenings or quite often the lack thereof in our lives. In between sips of Oros, we throw our arms to the heavens and shout “he hates me” (coined by Sue) we scrunch up our faces and repeat the following sentence “I just don’t understand, like How? I just don’t understand” and after an hour of feeling sorry for ourselves, we laugh at ourselves and eventually the leave the lawn with our renewed conviction that boys are stupid and that we are awesome and it’s just too much for the world to handle. So yes, on this particular lawnage Sunday, Robby Convinced me to start a blog, i scrunched up my face and said i don’t understand, what would I write about? She said in all her wisdomosity (I swear she is the most wisey wise person i know) Just write about yourself and we’ll make millions of money from people wanting to advertise o your Blog. And that, in a nutshell is where it starts, so Rob, i do excpect to be a millionaire in the next couple of weeks, I can take my millions in installments for your convinience!

 My Name is Nomatter, ( As in Nomatter what, without the What, so Just Nomatter) Most people call me Matt. I am quite the scandolous being, it seems I cause a stir wherever i go. People often tell me that I’m a drama queen, and i suppose i am, but unlike Other Drama queens, I am drama queen by Virtue of the fact that I ATTRACT DRAMA!! I swear, 90% of the time im minding my own business when suddenly the people of the world go psycho and start pullling stunts, like the time where i got on Sms saying “Ek soek nie jou geld nie, ek sal regkom sonder jou geld” and im like uuuhhh Yeah, I dont even speak afrikaans! A Couple of hours later, i received another Sms saying “Vanessa is in die Hospital, sy het het pille gedruk, sy roep jou naam, dus jy” SEE? Drama finds me!

I guess I am just unfortunate in that Department, I am the only person I know (and I know A LOT of people) who gets Chased by Hobo’s in the middle of Bree Taxi Rank, tryna steal my chips. I would just like to say However, I am NOT stingy person, if that Hobo had politely asked for some chips, I would have given him some, But no! He came up tp me and said, most aggressively give me your chips and when I refused he chased me! Like really? What happened to the days when Hobo’s just sat on street corners and didn’t bug people? I also have to deal with Hobo’s touching me! Once again, I was minding my own business, walking Home from the shop, when this Hobo who was inexplicably dry and crispy just reached out and touched me! Seriously? What am I? A hobo magnet? What is it about me that makes hobo’s just want to be in my space??

So because of these stories I often come across as insane, but if you ask the people who are with me 24.7 you’ll find that Drama really does find me, nomatter how hard I try, scandal just keeps calling my name I swear it’s as though I have a BBM Contact called scandal! The universe has also granted me a crazy Grandmother,known as Grandma Dragon, Fondly named by Al, one of my male friends who had the unfortunate experience of knocking on our door trying to find me, Grandma Dragon asked him who the hell he was and then told him to leave as she didn’t have time for such nonsense. Al,then said “okay, niyaxolisa Gogo” To which Grandma Dragon responded “angsi’ugog wakho mina” and shut the door in his face. My Grandmother is also known to Terrorise innocent members of the congregation at church. During in one service she allegedly asked a man, who she thought was gay why he was wearing pants?! fortunately for me, I wasnt at church that day!

 But that’s not the point, the point is, i am surrounded by complete and utter madness! From hobo’s harassing me, to Boys whom I’ve probably said all of twenty words to ,calling me and declaring their undying love for me (true story) and Grandma Dragon and her crazy antics!

So ladies and Gentleman, this is just a 5s preview of the scanadalousness that is my life. You can only imagine the Insanity that goes in within a week! Yup, these are the life and times,the memories of right now, and the Blog that should make me a millionaire!

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8 thoughts on “Lawnage Sunday!

  1. Lol! Wow Nomatter, I had no idea you were this talented. I kid you not I cannot wait for this next.

    Should you keep all your blogs this light hearted and funny, I promise to read each and every single one!

    I hate to sound like Randall (Idols) but maybe just tweak the spelling errors before the millions start rolling in ;), but once again, very well written, I enjoyed it to the maximum.

    P.s: I’m not a reader, so be proud of the fact that I read this to the end, that’s the thing though, its that interesting…

    Good luck with your future blogs 🙂

  2. Vanessa was in hospital and she chose to tell you? *Shocked* lol love this Matte, really do… Didn’t laugh until I actually pictured you running away from the hobo… When you’re a millionare, will you build me a Stu?

  3. “Dry and Crispy”…Matte, I will follow your blog loyally and promise to always have a good laugh…Damn Hobos…you’d swear that it’s an occupation;p

  4. Finally got around to reading your blog – you’re hysterical. Knew you had a good sense of humor, but I’m literally sitting here (at work) with a huge grin on my face. Keep it going Mattie!

  5. Hi Nomatter. Nice article, you do write well.
    We met you yesterday at Wild Waters and you were flying full of the joys of life 😜. Anyway, thanks for coming to talk to us – you have a warm spirit and a special way. Do towery about the stupid boy!

    Love
    Mark, Marloes & Tenzin

    • Mark! You found me.
      Man, I had the best day on Monday. Thank you for having a chat with me, you guys were so lovely, and Thank you for your kind words.
      I hope the universe works it out so we can see each other again someday!
      Love to Marloes, and give Tenzin (another) High 5 for me.
      Stay Golden!
      N

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